People who know me now may be surprised to know a small fact about me: I wanted to be anything BUT a teacher.
Sure. Now you see me around the bar reading books on the history of foreign language teaching or brushing up my memorization of the Absorbent Mind. But I did not join this profession expecting to be in it.
You see, I was the jack of all trades, master of none. If you ever need your car maintenanced while simultaneously needing a discussion about your antique cash register and needing to know for your term paper how Nero Caesar is really the Beast in the book of Revelation, all while I am entertaining a crowd while I bartend, I am the man to call. Especially if you cannot solve your Rubik’s Cube (easiest part). I am sure if the right combination of all of that ever came to a point of needing to happen in the same night, I could charge a premium. As of now, Craigslist has nothing looking for that person.
So my Montessori career really started with a want ad and an almost refusal for a job. Long story short, I needed a job. I saw an ad for a Montessori School looking for a Toddler Teacher in downtown Cincinnati. I called and got ahold of the director, Pauline, who quickly told me the position was filled, but I could send in my resume if anything else came up. I got her email and she asked my name.
“Matt Bronsil.”
”Bronsil?”
”Yes.”
”As in Beth Bronsil?”
”Yes. She is my mother.”
“Oh. She was my trainer. Can you come in at 3:00?”
So there it was. My first teaching interview was due to my name recognition. I am ok with that.
I do not fully remember the interview. The biggest part I do vividly remember was seeing the Toddlers during their time after snack. I was standing at the door looking in and a three year old boy looked at me and said, “Do you want some tea?”
“Of course,” I said and stepped into the room. There I was sitting there with a group of children, as they all gave me tea. It was not during normal work hours, it was pretend play, but it was so much fun sitting with me, in a suit, on a small plastic chair. Realize I am not a small person. But they kept giving me “tea,” and I just sat and enjoyed them all. Pauline later told me that is why I got the job, but to be honest, it is the only thing I remember from the interview.
So now I am the assistant in the toddler classroom, Ms. Marty is the main teacher. This meant within a short time, I had to do what so many me before me dread: the diaper. I didn’t actually dread it. I fixed brakes before. I built computers. This is just taking off a plastic thing and putting it back on: like replacing a broken headlight. Except imagine the headlight exploded with shit.
Yeah. No mechanic expects that. None. And we even expect you to forget to tell us you used fix-a-flat. (My mechanic friends will understand). But exploding diapers are wayyyyy worse.
So I know how to do it NOW. But that did not help me THEN. The diaper changing station had poop all over it. Everywhere. So I put the toddler down to clean up, but I put him in it. Let’s just say on a scale of one to ten, it was a HUGE number 2.
I cannot remember if I made it through or finally asked Ms. Marty for help. Either way, the next day, I remember Pauline saying, “I heard you had your first diaper experience.” I got better. I swear.
So. Lesson #1 in teaching: “Holy shit. What was that?” I still think a good teacher has to ask that regularly. Otherwise you are not looking for the unexpected and trying to adjust.
So. One day it was nap time. Ohio law dicatates (at least at the time, I have been out of America for a while) that the student:teacher ratio doubles during nap time. That means that we get a break while the other watches. The goal: get them to sleep. The lights are off. The kids are asleep, all except one. That is fine. He is not bothering anyone. He is awake, but making no noise. Then I hear him laughing. I look over and he is waving a candle in the air. The candle has a long wick. “Where did he find that?” I wonder.
As I walk closer, the only thing I can see is Ms. Marty’s purse. Still confused, I continue approaching, wondering why Marty has a long-wick candle in her purse.
Women, if you are reading this with a stupid man, you can either explain this or let him figure it out once I tell him. Men who get it, realize I would have known what it was if my first split-second thought were not a candle with a long, flexible wick. Everyone who does not get it, he was waving around a freaking tampon. Now, if you still do not get it, go google image search it rather than embarrass yourself.
So now I am stuck taking a tampon away from a two-year-old. That was awkward. But now I have to figure out what to do. Marty just went to Hamburger Mary’s for carry out, which was a block away. She could be back any minute. Do I put the tampon back in her purse and risk her catching me going into her purse? Do I hide it? That could be bad for her if it is all she has. For, you know, yeah. You know. Do I stand around and guard the tampon? I PROMISE you that no matter what advice you give me is just based off never having been in this situation before. If you can honestly say, “I have taught in a Toddler classroom and sat next to the teacher’s purse, holding her tampon, while still trying to describe why I, a male, am holding a tampon that came from her purse without a single credible witness over 3 years old,” I will listen to your advice.
But there I was. Now, this was in 2001. It has been 18 years, and I still cannot think of a suitable Montessori quote. Not one. If you have one, comment below. So she comes back. I keep it quiet.
Finally. Time to wake up the kids. Lights are on. Now or never.
”Hey, Marty?”
”Yeah?”
”Jim was playing with a candle during nap.”
”What?! We don’t have a candle here.”
”Well. He was right next to your purse. I think this is your ‘candle.’”
Thankfully, the hilarity of the situation is what worked. Marty was amazingly funny about it.
That was really my first job teaching, at least in this run. Strange that my first Montessori teaching experience involved tampons and poop everywhere. But we all have our own path. I am just glad both never mixed with the tea party.